Humor

Last Piece of Bacon: Love is Real

last piece of bacon

Anyone who doesn’t believe in love has never had someone leave them the last piece of bacon.

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Send Bacon to Space!

So, these crazy kooks have decided they want to send bacon into space. The “why” is not important – according to the Kickstarter campaign, it’s to “spread the glory of bacon throughout the galaxy.” Of course, using a balloon to reach the lower bounds of outer space before falling back down to earth isn’t likely to enlighten a lot of aliens about Earth’s favorite breakfast food, but hey – it will be farther than bacon has travelled before. Just like monkeys and men, it’s an important first step in bacon’s journey to interstellar travel.

As of time of posting, they’ve managed to earn $138 of their $5,000 goal, making them less successful than a guy who wanted to make potato salad. But with your support, the dream could become reality! Support space bacon today!

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Bacon Flowchart for Ultimate Happiness

If for some reason you are having difficulty deciding whether or not to have some bacon, this chart should help you figure it out. Spoiler alert: You should.

Found this on Chris Lott’s Flickr, but not sure if it’s his original or borrowed from elsewhere.

bacon flowchart

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Funny Bacon GIFs

I think I’d like to do this weekly.  So here are this week’s funny bacon animated GIF’s.

bacon animated gif

 

bacon animated gif

bacon animated gif

bacon animated gif

bacon animated gif

bacon animated gif

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10 Alternative Uses for Bacon

10. Jewelry

 

Bacon, cooked or raw, can make an excellent fashion accessory. Pictured above is a bacon braclet made of cooked bacon. Cooked it harder to work with, so we do suggest raw for anyone new to the craft.

 

9. Clothing

The bacon dress above is one that premiered this spring and took the fashion world by storm. They’re still hard to come by, as they are all individually created, hand-stitched, and cost quite a lot of money. But as the demand increases, expect to see more affordable versions introduced into the market this fall.

 

8. Home Decor

While items do exist such as the bacon clock, bacon themed decorum is largely lacking on the market. Therefore, you’ll need to muster up a little DIY spirit and go to work on some bacon decoration projects! As suggested above, you could use bacon to frame pictures, as trim for furniture, to line your baseboards, to frame doors, or just as independent wall hangings.

 

7. Perfume

 

It’s long been known by beauticians and smellologists that the scent of bacon is a natural aphrodesiac. Products like bacon body wash and bacon soap exist to take advantage of this scientific fact and give users an edge on the compeition for the affections of potential mates. If you’d like even more of an edge, try this simple trick: put a little dab of bacon grease behind your ears, on your neck, and on your wrists. This will make that bacon fragrance even stronger and result in flocks of suitors hungry for more than just bacon. Winky face.

 

6. For that youthful look

 

While we’re on the topic of bacon for beauty, here’s a little trick: putting bacon over your eyes for 10-15 minutes a day can reduce under-eye bags, granting a smooth, youthful looks. Forget cucumbers — what are you, a rabbit? Slap a little pork on your face and you’ll practically live forever.

5. Computer Cooling

Here’s something I bet you didn’t know: computers get hot. Believe it or not, these bad boys run on electricity, which can generate a beaucoup-ton-load of heat. Too much is bad; that’s why your computer has a fan. But when you’re really overtaxing that poor CPU, sometimes extra cooling is needed. That’s why I pile some raw bacon, straight out of the fridge (or preferably freezer) around my computer to bring down the temperature. As an added bonus, after playing a PC game a few steps above the recommended system settings for ten minutes or so, I end up with a pile of cooked bacon. Yum!

 

4. Zombie Pig Defense

Believe it or not, living pigs are actually pretty smart. The science says they’re smarter than dogs and cats. But turn them into the walking dead, and that IQ counts for beans. So when the porcine zombie uprising happens in 2016, it won’t be too hard to trick them. They’re going to be sniffing out human brains, so the best way to throw them off your scent is to create a smell buffer zone. This could be done with any potent aroma, but using pork products – bacon in particular – will make the pigs think you’re one of them, thus saving your…well, bacon.

 

3. Weaponary

 

When cooked to a nice crisp, bacon can easily be sharpened into a sort of shiv. Craftsmen and butchers have known this for centuries, though only a select few have been granted the secret knowledge of bacon weaponsmithing.

2. Bacon Beard

Some of us are hirsuite, born with the natural ability to crop mad beard. Others need some assistance. While nothing is manlier than a fine beard, a beard made of bacon is a close runner up. While it is easier to weave one out of raw bacon, using cooked will result in a much better look. It’s worth the effort.

 

1. Bacon Gifts

If you don’t have need of any of the above uses, you could always just give someone some of these great novelty bacon gifts. They make super cool gifts for any lover of bacon, and isn’t that pretty much everyone?

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